Fort Dicks

See it if You know someone in the play. You really love community theater and sophomoric humor.

Don't see it if You don't know anyone in the play. You have anything better to do.

See it if You know someone in the show. You like shows that are sophisticated versions of what you did in you basement as a child.

Don't see it if You have an aversion to amateurish and sophmoric productions. Bathroom humor is rife from the title on to the end.

See it if Don't ... there seem to be no saving graces to this production other than a few voices that sing on pitch & can be heard

Don't see it if You have anywhere else 2 be, cannot tolerate barely constructed script, borrowing songs from other sources, total lack of direction /pacing

Also Show-Score should have some kind gatekeeper evaluation system to guard against productions with little merit other than a producer has the $ to mount them. Show-Score has wasted my time & processing fee in offering this.... Read more Read less

See it if you need to bank an unbelievable live theatre tale for your grandkids. 'Springtime for Hitler' from "The Producers" wasn't so bad after all.

Don't see it if you're not into once-in-a-lifetime experiences. EVERYONE has to see this mess to believe it was ever actually mounted on a live stage.

Also Opening-scene: "Entire jury quit due to swine-flu".

Right from the flubbed-lines off-key singing start, it felt like the original 17-member cast AND all the understudies quit for the same reason.

Show ran THREE hrs even though scheduled for TWO. Scene changes (in the dark) were so long, it seemed like we sat in the dark longer than during the actual show.

I will never forget the insensitive book, or that someone actually thought those old-school corny jokes were fit for revisiting, delivery & consumption. I kept saying, "Purpose???" over & over in my head.

I will never forget whom I was with, who sat in front of me, who sat next to me, who was listening to the Giants game behind me, how the house emptied-out during intermission, or how much my throat hurt from having to stifle my laughter as much as possible when wanting desperately to laugh at stuff that wasn't supposed to be funny.

I will never forget this mess. EVER.

"Fort Dicks" production, cast & crew: MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.... Read more Read less

See it if Someone you really love is in it.

Don't see it if You don't appreciate terribly boring shows. You don't like bad singing and acting. Etc.

See it if You enjoy so-bad-it's-good comedy à la The Room. This is the worst musical I have seen to date. And there's not a close second.

Don't see it if You have no patience for cringe-worthy shows. You dislike, as I do, when musicals use tracks rather than live accompaniment.

Also "I have a very good comedic mind." -Jeffrey E. Milstein, YouTube interview

Jeffery E. Milstein certainly believes this to be true but the evidence, dozens upon dozens of bombs throughout the evening, says otherwise.

Fort Dicks is unsalvageable. The book just sophomoric humor, some teetering on the edge of homage and plagiarism.

The cast is uneven to say the least. Mario Claudio gives the best performance, and in fact has the only line I legit laughed at. (A chair gag) The least compelling performance comes from Sean Farrelly, who gives a near Tommy Wiseau level performance.

Milstein seems to have a fundamental misunderstanding of how musicals are constructed.

I work at a theatre camp where middle and high school kids make their own original musicals. All of those student-made musicals were more coherent and compelling than Fort Dicks.

Having that said, I take perverse pleasure in cringe-worthy theatre so long as I have a friend by my side, and we'll remember it forever.... Read more Read less

See it if You know someone in the show and want to see them. You enjoy middle school-level story/jokes/music/lyrics.

Don't see it if You want anything higher level than middle school quality. Pre-teens with a little talent could have done a better job.

See it if You know the cast.. i am sorry to say it, but it was the worst I have ever seen. I left after an hour cause it was excrutiating.

Don't see it if If you have high standards for theater.

Also I feel bad for the cast and crew (and there were so many of them), I cannot understand not a single person told them how bad it was before the curtain opened up for audience. There were so many mistakes, so many lines missed, facial expressions were so wrong. I tried to find something that I xan appreciate and stayed for an hour. This is a first for me, as no matter how bad it is, I always stay, with the hope that maybe it will get better, or maybe it will take momentum. But this one was really bad.... Read more Read less

See it if you want to see a work inspired by the comedy of Mel Brooks, Neil Simon and Carl Reiner.

Don't see it if you don't have heart beats and breaths to waste. This was utterly unacceptable to be seen on the island of Manhattan.

Also The show director and writer should stick to his accounting practice in New Jersey. My dad was stationed at Fort Dix during World War 2 and he is rolling over in his grave from this musical. I gave it 3 points...one for each of the comic geniuses who inspired Mr. Milstein !... Read more Read less

See it if You don't have to worry about seeing it - it just closed

Don't see it if you have better things to do with 2 1/2 hours.

Also It is not all bad. There were some very sharp, satirical bursts of humor. Just not enough.
The songs seemed to be parodies, too. I caught a parody of Be a Dentist from Little Shop of Horrors. And a parody of an Elvis song.
A lot of thought and energy went into this show based on real incidents.
Too bad.... Read more Read less

See it if you enjoy musicals

Don't see it if you don't like plays about prison motif

See it if It had it's clever moments that displayed the actors and writers great moments.

Don't see it if You want a show that has a complete story line. It is there, but it is slow.

See it if you love a cast member.

Don't see it if you can possibly avoid it.

Also I'm so sorry - I wish I could say something positive about this show. It was awful, and we didn't even make it to Intermission. The author/producer/director welcomed us to the theater with a huge smile and a sweet little speech. He seemed like an absolutely darling man, and I would love to be able to say this play has something to recommend it, but that simply is not the case. Some of the actors were talented and it shone through. This play is not performance-ready, and I doubt it could be rewritten to what it should be in order to be presented on a professional stage in NYC.... Read more Read less

See it if You want to watch a very poorly scripted show that was stupid and not the least bit funny. Luckily today is the last show.

Don't see it if You're expecting a Mel Brooks or Marx Brothers type production - it wasn't. It was insulting to them to compare this show to them.

See it if You have a relative performing onstage.

Don't see it if You do not enjoy amateurish acting. The title is misleading, as you may think it is about gays. It is about a prison experience.

Also The songs were well sung, the music was fine, but the score was way under par. The show also ran much too long. It could use editing, and perhaps choreography. One positive note, I did not fall asleep. There were quite a few funny momentsi... Read more Read less

See it if you don't mind a comedy with less laugh and a musical with less impressive songs.

Don't see it if you expect a lot of laugh and good music. Somehow songs start when you forget it's a musical. Too long because of many unnecessary scenes.

See it if You have nothing else to do.

Don't see it if You are from the military because I expected much more seeing how it was tauted to be like BLAZING SADDLES created Mel Brooks.

See it if You like to see tragedy on a stage, I find it hard to think that no one said STOP.

Don't see it if You like well thought out theater

See it if You want to hear some good voices, and don't mind silly plot

Don't see it if You expect well written musical comedy, and lots of laughs

See it if you are homeless and need to get out of the weather for a couple of hours

Don't see it if have any appreciation for good theater. This was one of the worst!! Missed lines, tone deaf singing and just a mess.

Also I honestly think there should be better screening for a play to be part of Show-score. I have seen better productions in elementary schools. I could not even make it to the end. By the second act, it seemed like only family members of the cast were left.... Read more Read less

See it if You’re friends with someone in the show

Don't see it if You care about plot, character, humor, racial sensitivity, or wasting time and money

Also Much of the audience walked out after the first act, including my boyfriend and me... Read more Read less

See it if You know someone in the cast.

Don't see it if You have a sense of humor or a brain.

See it if You know someone in the cast.

Don't see it if You can see pretty much anything else.

See it if you like a good off broadway funny true story that tells you about the way things are really run in some prisons.

Don't see it if If you don't like documentary type stories about prisons.

Also The actors were funny and made the show entertaining. They worked very hard in changing the scenery for every scene. Doing that made me feel like I was actually in the prison and not just on stage. Kudos to their hard work, singing and acting.
I did not go to see this show with any preconceived notions about the show. I was not disappointed and enjoyed it for what is was. It was very good.... Read more Read less

See it if the mother of all thunderstorms crashed down while you're standing in front of the theater and you want a dry place - the seats were nice.

Don't see it if you like entertainment, you like a story, you don't think something is funny just because it's cheesy, loud, and mean-spirited.